Today has been a pretty nostalgic day for me. *insert some obscure acoustic music here* (haha)
I’ve spent the past hour or so going through old pictures of friends, family and loved ones lost and I’m reminded of the love I have for the people in my life. The same people I’m not willing to risk losing because to me, it would be a devastating loss. I think everyone has those types of people in their lives that they wouldn’t trade for anything whether they’re still in touch or not. There are people in my life that I haven’t spoken to in years that I would be there for in a heartbeat, if they asked me to. My freshman college roommate, my childhood best friend that moved away… you name it.
People change and drift apart but I’ve found that love holds strong regardless.
I’m taking this moment to share some unsolicited advice; if you miss someone or if you need to talk to someone you care about, even if you haven’t spoken in years, just call them. I’m sure they’d be as happy to hear from you as you are to talk to them. Love like that just doesn’t fade into nothingness. It just changes with the tides of life.
About 3 weeks ago, my mother asked me a question that I couldn’t answer and it has been on my mind ever since. Here’s a snippet of our conversation that left me speechless.
Mom: Do you feel at home now that you’re back in Malaysia?
Me: Not yet. It’s home but at the same time, I don’t feel like it’s MY home, if that makes sense.
Mom: Is that why you’re travelling this summer?
Me: I don’t know, maybe…
Mom: Are you travelling to find that home or are you travelling to avoid finding it?
“Are you travelling to find that home or are you travelling to avoid finding it?”
Deep… I know. To be honest, I still don’t know how to answer that question.
Home’s always been a subjective word for me. I don’t think it’s ever really been a specific place and to be honest, I don’t think it ever will be. The word itself carries a lot of emotion with me because right now, I don’t feel at home anywhere and I’m homesick for the feeling of home.
Home – to me, is a feeling of absolute comfort and complete acceptance. It’s a place to love and be loved. It’s an unexplainable, indescribable feeling of total content.
And if I’m going to stay honest, I haven’t felt that way in a while – and I have no idea if I’m going to find it by traveling. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my country and I love my family but I think home is more than that. I think to an extent, you have to at home with yourself as a whole before finding “home” in anything else.
My boss once told me that solo travellers are usually doing one of two things; they’re running away from something or they’re trying to find something. Maybe that’s true and I don’t think most travellers know what they’re looking for or what it is they’re running from but I think it’s also what brings these travellers together. Its that feeling of kinship that allows them to find a sense of home with each other. It’s an unspoken understanding that we don’t bring up because we’re too busy trying to live in the moment and that’s okay…
“Solo travellers are usually doing one of two things; they’re running away from something or they’re trying to find something”
Because as Cloud Atlas once said, “travel far enough, you meet yourself” and I hope you love what you see.
May we meet again on the horizons of the Internet,